50 Ways to Annoy Fred and George Weasley
by iwmango
Summary: Alice is back in annoyance, a label that will never stop being hilarious. The newest line, and far by the most daring of missions: the Annoyers and Big Daddy of Pranking Duos; Fred and George Weasley. A challenge is always fun. T for later chapters/constant vigilance. R&E&R!
1. Pranksting

**Thank you, everyone, for waiting so patiently and especially to those who reviewed my other stories. I'd especially like to thank the person who brought Alice's attention to the two people she just had to annoy. Bouncing with excitement, people. IWM Presents: ****_50 WAYS TO ANNOY FRED AND GEORGE_**

**Yes, I dare.**

"MU-UM!", two identical voices berated the ears of all present at the reconstructed Burrow dining table, and one of the two twins stomped downstairs. His arrival was greeted with fist-in-mouth laughing from Harry, Percy, Hermione, Ron, Bill, Ginny, Charlie, and not very well suppressed from Arthur and Molly. Just as the one twin glares and laughter subsided, the second of the Weasley twins stomped down the stairs, entirely identical to the first except for the missing ear that should have been on the side of his head.

The laughter renewed, and the twin glares were glared at each other, both ignoring their audience as they stared each other down.

"George"

"Fred"

"Mum!", Fred broke out, turning to Molly Weasley, who quickly composed herself, "George dyed my hair green!"

"No, I didn't!", George broke in, also turning to the spur of the moment judge, "He turned my hair silver!"

"He just turned his hair silver because he was trying to cover it up!"

"That trick is so old only you'd use it!"

"Don't deny that you bedazzled my robes!"

"And don't you deny that you glued a dung bomb to the back of my head with a note about how much of a brain fart I am!"

Fred opened his mouth and closed it again before speaking again, "That's actually really good. I should have thought of that. But I didn't"

Molly immediately turned to look at all of her children accusingly as Fred and George also continued to accuse each other, occassionally throwing in a compliment on the execution of the prank, along with some criticism and trash talk.

All of the redheads met with Molly's gaze shook their heads, indicating that none of them had done anything. Hermione spoke, and Fred and George both turned to listen to her, closing their mouths, glaring at each other.

"If no one in the house did it, especially not a Weasley, I can only think of one other person who would"

"Wouldn't I like to know who did", Ron glanced at the twins, particularly their hair, "Congratulate them for being bloody mad"

Before Molly could start to shriek at Ron for language, Harry interrupted, "I think I know who you're talking about"

"Who was it?", Fred and George spoke in unison, a habit they had never tried to break.

"Get ready for a lot more of that", Ron smiled the twins. For a second there was a silent but distinct sound of gears turning before smiles split upon everyone's faces excluding the twins.

"I doubt that", George dismissed the very notion with a wave of his hand.

"She wouldn't dare", Fred scoffed.

"It does seem to be the sort of thing she'd do, you know"

"And she's already gotten all three of us", Hermione nodded to Harry and Ron, "As well as Snape, and probably more. You never know how mad a person is"

It took a few more arguments and alibis before the twins were convinced, and when they were, another sound berated the ears of all in the Burrow and beyond.

"ALICE!"

_Pop!_

"You called?"

**I hope you guys are happy at how long I made it. I don't want to do this, but I'd love if we could manage maybe at least two or three reviews per chapter, but I will be updating no matter what. R&amp;E&amp;R, my lovelies!**


	2. Stealing Pt1

I beside the door, my annoyance barely concealed even under the Disillusionment charm, and waited.

And waited.

And waited...

That is, until Molly Weasley, a saving grace with red hair, yelled from downstairs, "Fred and George, if you do not come down this instant, you aren't getting any food!"

There was a loud bang inside the room, several loud cusses and a small, easily lost-in-all-the-noise click, and the door opened, the Weasley twins running out, still cussing and grumbling, but running as though it was their lifelines that were being thrown away and not their food.

I grinned and immediately went into the room, my smile only getting wider as I heard Molly Weasley yell at Fred and George for swearing "Like bloody sea born sailors", her words, not mine. I waved the smoke away before squating down to critically look at the small pod on the floor, and cautiously picked it up, and with even greater caution, licked it.

Just what I needed. I pocketed it, tapped my head to lift the Disillusionment spell and idly walked around to pass the time as I looked around at the pranking products scattered everywhere, imperfected.

Within the half hour, the Weasley twins were getting back upstairs, and both stopped at the doorway.

"Shit"

"Do you do the synchronizing thing a lot?", I asked, tossing an opaque chine container into the air. With several other curses, probably with a spell mixed in, the china container stayed suspended in air.

It seemed to occur to them that I may have broken some other things, and a frantic search ensued, my question not answered. I was seriously concerned that the synchronization thing might get a bit old. Wouldn't want the readers to get bored.

"George", Fred said, his voice strangely horse, looking at the hole in the carpet where the pod had been, "Did you happen to move the project?"

"No", George walked across the room, "Why?"

"Because it's not here"

The twins immediately turned to me.

"I moved it, as a matter of fact!", I waved cheerily before showing them the pod, "Aren't you proud of my bravery and stupidity? It was Gryffindor worthy"

"ALICE!"

"Again, the synchronization", I chastised before pocketing the pod.

_Poof_

**Hi, my lovely readers! If you can figure out the reference to another fandom I made in here when Alice steals the pod, internet cookies! R&amp;E&amp;R**


	3. Stealing Pt 2

**Hello, my lovelies! I got a Wattpad account, wanna check it out? The link's on my profile, and I'll be writing a book starting September. R&amp;E&amp;R!**

I tossed the pod from hand to hand, looking at it curiously. To be honest, I had no flipping idea what it was. Rule number one of annoying the Weasley twins was taking away the thing they seemed most immediately interested in, and a small seed that could burn through carpets and fill a room with green smoke was certainly interesting. Wait...

"Green Smoke", I grinned, tossing it one last time and looking at it as it still emitted smoke, "That's interesting, indeed"

The next day, I got into the Gryffindor Common Room early and took the coveted seat nearest to the fireplace. The common room slowly filled up, chatter informing me so without me so much as having to turn my back. You see, this is why talking is good. It's better for the lazy and muscularly challenged.

The Weasley twins entered the common room with a scream and a dungbomb, which was also good for my undisturbed laziness and challenged muscles. "Show time", I muttered to myself.

A deerstalker hat and wooden pipe completed the look and I with a dramatic, conspiratorial and entirely useless look around, I dropped the pod into the pipe.

In case you've never tried dressing up like Sherlock Holmes with a green smoking pipe in a red colored room, then it attracts a lot of stares and attention. Particularly if there's a certain set of Weasley twins looking for something smoking and green.

However, they decided to use tact. And logic is my downfall.

They cornered me into the chair, "Give us the pod"

"The unison thing", I replied, taking the pipe out of my mouth and in what I hoped was a discreet movement, inched it towards my side, "Just... no"

"And why are you wearing that hat?", one of them, the one with red hair asked.

"It looks like a death frisbee", the other one with the red hair commented.

I couldn't resist putting the pipe back into my mouth, "Because I deduct that the both of you are...", I trailed off, met with expectant looks.

Damn it.

"Looking for this!", in a split second decision, I pulled the pod out of the pipe and threw it into the fireplace.

Their mad lunge for it was futile as the flames devoured the green little pod, which momentarily turned the flames green, "ALICE!", they turned on me.

"I deduct an apparation about now"

And what do you know?

_POOF!_

I was right.

**I'm finding it a bit hard to find ideas for annoying the Weasley twins, so any suggestions? R&amp;E&amp;R, my lovelies!**


	4. Prank-bin Hood of Hogwarts

**So, uh... I guess that I am very, very bad at consistency. Yeah. And I'm not sure what excuse constitutes a year and a half of unannounced hiatus... except I'M BA-ACK! And the chapter idea for today was so graciously bequeathed unto me by Asho-Caro-Lynn (Who is legit one of my favorite people. Ever) R&amp;E&amp;R.**

I was most definitely not the sort of person who read directions. All friends here, who really does? It's all pretty much self explanatory.

That is, until you're me. And you just bought some black-market-Hogwarts Weasely Wizard shit off of some second year who thinks he's "brave" enough to go there. So admittedly, I'm worse at this prank-product stuff than a twelve year old. Kids these days.

I do have something that a twelve year old does not, however. I am swift as the coursing river. With all the force of a great typhoon. All the strength of a raging fire. Mysterious as the dark side of the moon. Which is just a really, really, poetic way of saying that I slipped some of the powdered stuff I bought from a twelve year old possible drug dealer into Fred and George's drinks while they're backs were turned talking to Lee Jordan and scampered away like my butt was being chased by self aware creatures whose internal organs were made of damn magma, back to the Slytherin table across the hall.

Only when I sat down, watching with anticipation that was growing faster than a pregnant elephant that was going through an accelerated birthing process, as Fred and George took (synchronized (for Merlin's sake)) sips from their juice, did it hit me. That twelve year old didn't mention how fast acting that stuff would be.

Oh well. At least I didn't have to worry about the side effects. They all but created them themselves. There may have been a twinge of Prank-bin Hood pride in there. Now, all I had to do was sit. And wait.

It didn't take very long. In fact, the timing was absolutely perfect. Just as everyone was leaving the hall, I managed to weave through the crowds of students, that knew well enough to get out of my way, quietly at that, and stay a few people behind the twins.

"Hey, Fred?", George's voice was strained, and he was looking straight ahead, "We ate the same stuff for breakfast, yeah?"

"Think so", just let it sink in, why don't you, that you eat the exact same food too, "Though i think I may have eaten some bad beans, my stomach's hurting like it's having a bloody piss soaked hangover", and how very eloquent the Brightest Pranksters of Our Age are.

"I must have eaten the same ones, then", George replied, and I fancied I could imagine some paleness and clamminess at the back of his neck, "Because I don't exactly remember how our bloody piss soaked hangover felt, since I've blocked the memory, but it sounds apt"

Now, however, I pull the small, flattened cardboard that the pouch of powder the twelve year old sold me came in, and looked down at the directions. At least the results were effective, the kid wasn't slipping me any muggle cocaine in the halls of Hogwarts. I waved aside the few people acting as my smokescreen, and walked right between the two twins. I was most definitely, probably, not imagining the paleness. Probably because they were always pale, but I digress.

As I burst into their little bubble of tummy sickness, I was greeted most warmly, with salutations such as:

"The hell are you doing-"

"The fuck is going on-"

And interrupted their, thank Mwrlin, not synchronized swearing with a smooth monotone that I imagined would land me an infomercial job straigt out of Hogwarts, if they allowed the No Laughing charm I was using at the moment during auditions, "This product is developed, manufactured and distributed by the Weasely Wizard Wheezes", they both wheezed at that but to no avail with my all powerful infomercial voice, more powerful than Glowing Clouds that rained dead animals, "The Weasely Wizard Wheezes and all its various franchises, should any open, are not, legally, responsible for the misuse of this product by consumers. This product is to be ingested only. The Weasely Wizard Wheezes will not be held responsible for any side effects that may occur"

I looked up at them, a dramatic pause. They both waited, very badly hiding the little panic setting into their faces now, glancing at the front of the cardboard that I was covering with my hand. I continued,m a little more glee than the all powerful infomercial voice, "Vomiting, rashes in areas that most people don't want rashes, stomach aches", an obvious glance at this one, "Digestion tract blockage, excretory tract blockage, hopefully temporary hormonal imbalance, incessant need to urinate, and", I raised my own eyebrows at that, "Death"

More exploding, this time, most of it incomprehensible sputtering.

"So", I put a cheery smile on my face, "Who wants to play guess the dangerous-ass shit that the Weasely twins have somehow legally been selling in a school field trip site?"

"What the hell did you feed us-", oh Merlin, not with the unison again. Especially not sputteringly angry.

"It's all in the name, boys", I held the cardboard up, letting them see the front, "U- NO- POO. I really don't get how this shit is legal, it looks like drugs, it acts like drugs, it must smell like drugs, not that I'd know-"

"ALICE!", I looked up from the back of the box up at two very red, very identical, and very in unison faces. They're owners of which, were both going for their wands, albeit while clutching their stomachs.

There's my cue.

"YOU MAY WANT TO TRY LAXATIVES!", was the last thing that the whole of Hogwarts heard me yell before I apparated the hell out of there.

**So, as always, R&amp;E&amp;R, Thank you so much for reading, and I will hopefully update more chapters. Within this year. Also, whoever gets the various references in there, as intended, will get a shoutout in the A/N from now on.**


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